Oh well. All I can do is hold my breath and hope that it passes with time. Things should get better, I'm hoping.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
have you ever thought that life is just too hard?
I'm in some strange mood right now, but I just feel like life is too difficult. It's all too difficult. This is what happens when I am left alone with my thoughts - I start to analyze things too much and I get all nervous and worried. So that's where I am now. Life is too difficult. It's next to impossible. I don't even know what I want to do. I should probably talk to College BFF, but obvs not tonight because it's late and also because I'd like to process this and not just cry to her on the phone. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I just feel like everything is too difficult. Trying to have it all is too difficult - job, men, friends, apartment, clothing, life. Sigh, I don't even know. All I know is that this is rambly and I apologize for it. I'm also missing TG like crazy and wish I had him to talk to. I mean, I know I do have him to talk to - he's always made it clear that he will be there for me as a friend if and when I need it, but I just don't think I'm ready for that. Because while I'd love to open up to him about all my insecurities and everything, there's parts of me that know it's a bad idea. (1) because I don't want him to think that I want to hear about his relationship and (2) I hate admitting that I'm slightly unhappy or that I miss him or that I value his opinion. Yes, I'm a stubborn bitch and I know it, but I was born this way and I'm likely to die this way as well.