have you ever thought that life is just too hard?

I'm in some strange mood right now, but I just feel like life is too difficult. It's all too difficult. This is what happens when I am left alone with my thoughts - I start to analyze things too much and I get all nervous and worried. So that's where I am now. Life is too difficult. It's next to impossible. I don't even know what I want to do. I should probably talk to College BFF, but obvs not tonight because it's late and also because I'd like to process this and not just cry to her on the phone. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I just feel like everything is too difficult. Trying to have it all is too difficult - job, men, friends, apartment, clothing, life. Sigh, I don't even know. All I know is that this is rambly and I apologize for it. I'm also missing TG like crazy and wish I had him to talk to. I mean, I know I do have him to talk to - he's always made it clear that he will be there for me as a friend if and when I need it, but I just don't think I'm ready for that. Because while I'd love to open up to him about all my insecurities and everything, there's parts of me that know it's a bad idea. (1) because I don't want him to think that I want to hear about his relationship and (2) I hate admitting that I'm slightly unhappy or that I miss him or that I value his opinion. Yes, I'm a stubborn bitch and I know it, but I was born this way and I'm likely to die this way as well.

Oh well. All I can do is hold my breath and hope that it passes with time. Things should get better, I'm hoping.