change.

I have an unhealthy obsession with change. I crave it all the time, yet I'm also afraid of it. I keep thinking lately about where I want to live and what I want to do with my life, but I don't have too many answers. I just feel like I haven't seen enough yet, haven't done enough. I know I'm only 23, but it just feels like there's no time. I feel like I could spend my whole life exploring and growing and trying new things and never be satisfied. If I lived my life the way I wanted to, I almost certainly wouldn't have any time to form connections or relationships, or have a family. And I want those things very badly. So I'm stuck.

I wish I was one of those women who had everything in order - clean apartment, clean life, healthy relationship, excellent job. I don't think I'll ever be that kind of woman. I'm always going to be scatterbrained, all over the place and just all out dramatic. Maybe I should embrace it, instead of wishing that I were another kind of person.

I really want to take a vacation. A solo vacation, I'm thinking. Exploring the country. I don't think I have the cash for it now, but maybe in a few months, I'll just pick up and go somewhere. I haven't done anything impulsive in a while.