well at least i'm not the only one who's confused.

Thankfully, the increasing sense of frustration at my current job and lack of direction is something that's shared by many of my peers. I had drinks with Tall last night and we both were talking about how unsure we are of our next steps and how our motivation is zapped in our current positions. Today, I sat in a meeting and there was a lot of talk of retention risks. I felt like I couldn't even open my mouth because I was probably the biggest retention risk in the room. I love my company to death, but sometimes it feels like my job is sucking my soul out. I'm not really 100% sure how to rectify this. I don't think there's another role on my team that would make me happier. I don't even know if there's another role in HR that would do it. Yet, I'm not ready to just leave. I keep thinking maybe travel would do it - trying to see if they'd let me go somewhere for a short term assignment. Like Australia or London.

I keep having this nagging thought - maybe I don't want to be a lawyer. Do you know how scary that is? I've wanted to be a lawyer for so long that I just don't know if I have any other options at this point. I certainly don't want to be an HR professional. Also, the degree will open up doors for me. It just worries me because I don't think I've stumbled upon it yet. That one thing I was born to do. There are so many things that I'm interested in and that I could spend my life doing, but I have yet to find a way to tie all those seemingly disconnected ideas together. I love sexuality, feminism, American History, technology, media, theatre, writing, entertainment. Blah! How to unite them all. (Is it sad that the first thing I thought while typing that sentence was - ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL? Can we add extreme dorkiness to the list?) Anyway, bottom line, I need to figure out my life. This is becoming increasingly frustrating.

I wonder if our generation was ruined by all this "You can do whatever you want." Sometimes I wish my life had a plan. Then again, I know this is the lazy side of me talking and that the fighting, driven, motivated side (hopefully the bigger side) is happy that she has choices and options and a sense of entitlement. I just need to use that to find my way. I'm only 24 years old - I've barely even started my working life. I have plenty of time.