so it is a done deal.

TG is definitely moving to NYC, most likely around October or November, but as early as September. I'm not going to lie, when he told me, it felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Since my new apartment is so close to his, I was super worried about running into him and his hookup of the weekend at brunch or the grocery store and it'll be nice to know that I don't have to worry about that, not even a little bit. It was a much different reaction than I felt the first time he told me he was thinking about moving, when I felt a little sad about it. Now, it's pretty much just relief. I'm a little mad that he'll be in "my" city, but other than that I think it's a much healthier resolution to this 3 year saga. I wish him all the best of luck.

I wonder how I'll deal with this in the future. Dating someone and then having things implode and having to see them. I mean, I have very little experience with committed monogamy. But, unless the next man I date seriously dies, moves, or marries me, I'm going to have to figure out how to cope when a relationship combusts. In Manhattan, it was pretty easy - most of the guys I dated just disappeared into this huge city. The Intellectual worked in the Bronx and lived in Brooklyn, so clearly we weren't going to run into each other anywhere. Then most of the other guys I've dated I didn't give two shits about so it didn't matter. It's really only when my feelings get involved that we have a problem. I suppose that's what growing up is about, though. I'll just have to sack up and deal.

The idea that I'm going to be able to create a truly new life is exciting and exhilarating. I mean, I have some friendship issues that I have to work through, but in general I think I'm going to really be able to do this in a nice, constructive way. I feel like I've been waiting for this point - the chance to strike out on my own in a positive situation. When I first moved to CA, I was young and stupid. I made some serious mistakes and had some lapses in judgment. Top that all off with almost dying and you don't really get a positive experience - it was a learning experience and I grew a lot, but 75% of the time it wasn't pleasant. This is a chance to redeem myself and take a fresh stab at it. I know it takes about 2 years to get really comfortable in a new place, but I'm hoping it'll only be about a year until I start really feeling at home in San Francisco. I'm already about halfway there, just need to get the other 50%.