2010: a retrospect...

I've been delaying this entry for far too long due to my lazy vacation. Now, I'm back in SF and getting ready for my New Years weekend plans. This feels like the first year in forever that I haven't gone out partying with my BFFs at some Manhattan nightclub. I'm kind of sad when I see all the tweets about fancy NYE dresses. Instead, I've opted to head up to Sea Ranch, CA with my SF friends and my boyfriend for a weekend of relaxation and drinking. I think it's going to be really fun and I'm excited to hang out with everyone and get to see a new part of CA. I'm always a little nervous when it comes to the boyfriend and the friends mixing, in addition to the fact that I'll be spending whole 4 days with him (eek! scary!), but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll report back in January =)

ANYWAY. 2010. Jesus Christ - what a year! Seriously, this may have been one of the most tumultuous and rewarding years of my adult existence. Even though most of the good stuff happened in the last half of the year, it overshadows anything that came before. I can barely think of anything that isn't new in my life right now - new city, new apartment, new living situation, new job, new boyfriend. Holy shit on a shingle! That is a lot of change, which you all know I frickin' love!

I think I'll do something different this time and take a look at my goals from the beginning of the year and where I stack up with them.

1. Stop focusing on other people's lives and focus on your own. Struggled with this one a bit. I let the whole TG thing consume me and I still do to an extent. I haven't blogged about it here because (1) I know it would bother him and he knows where this thing lives and (2) I'm trying not to let his unfollowing me on Twitter bother me. So yeah, I need to work on that in the new year - just doing what I do and only caring about that. It's just really fucking hard for me. I'm a dweller, a thinker, and an analyzer. Yes, I'm also a crazy exhibitionist AND a narcissist, but I really do give a shit what people think of me and how my life is stacking up in comparison to everyone else's. It's a bad habit, especially considering my life is pretty sweet most of the time. I should really stop caring about the outside world and pull my focus inward.
2. Find your dream job and do what you can to get it. Mission accomplished, bitches! I found a job I liked in Event Planning and even though I had no prior experience or exposure, I convinced them that I could do it and I start in two weeks. I'm super fucking proud of myself over that one because I really feel like I made a positive change in my life. I moved to SF knowing that I wanted to focus on my career and I did it. Here's hoping I didn't pick a dud - haha!
3. Treat your body like a temple. Um, I suck at this. I haven't treated my body like a temple at all - more like a toxic dump site. I've been drinking wayyyy too much and eating wayyy too much and I feel like a gross little piglet at times. I have not been exercising the way I should and I need to get a grip on my hair. Luckily, I think I'm starting to come out of that funk and I'm motivated to lose some weight, start working out like a fiend, and presenting myself in my best light. I'm experimenting with my hair and finding out what products work for it and my wardrobe is due for an upgrade. So even though I epic failed all over this one this year, I'm workin' on it =)
4. Do something each day to enrich your mind. I think I did this. 2010 was a year in which I rediscovered my love of books. I read all the time now - expanding my library and my worldview with each new book. I loved The Millenium Trilogy, in addition to Schiff's Cleopatra, and I've got Patti Smith's book on the docket. This is in addition to all of the other books I've kept my head in this year. I'm trying to read about history, culture, language, everything I can get my hands on. I hope to keep it up in 2011.
5. Focus on forming healthy relationships with men. The Good Lord knows I struggle with this every day. I think progress is being made. I'm in a good relationship with a good man that treats me well. I try to be as great of a girlfriend as I can, but it's a learning curve. He's teaching me more about what I want in a relationship and I'm trying to figure out if he's a good match for me. I feel like I'm learning and growing and having fun along the way. This was probably the first romantic thing I didn't royally fuck up in my whole entire life. That's a pretty big deal. Let's hope I can continue on this path and get my shit right next year.

So there you have it - 2010 Year In Review. Resolutions tomorrow or Friday! 

"your blog was more interesting when you were single..."

So said my co-worker Gremlin to me over a dinner in Manhattan the other day. Truth be told, I'm starting to feel that way about both my blog and my life. I've always been single - I mean, I've dated guys, some for long periods of time, but I never really relinquished my single status. So here I am, in a drama-free relationship and my best writing material has been zapped. I have nothing to say on the phone with my girlfriends, no fun stories to share. I'm nervous about writing too much about my relationship on here because this is new territory for me. I mean, I've always maintained some basic rules about writing about men. If I like you - I mean, really like you as a person - some things are off limits (i.e., penis size, bedroom skillz or lack thereof, identifying personal information). However, one night stands are totally open game. If we only boned once, I'm not really going to care much about spreading your business on the internet. I won't name you, but I will talk details, especially if they're as hilarious as me kicking you in the face or as sluttastic as having sex in cars with boys I just met. Also, if you're hung like a porn star, you're going on the blog. That's just the way it is. But with the boyfriend, I don't want to put it all out there because it feels wrong to me - there's more at stake.

My relationships have always been full of so much drama that it's hard for me to deal with being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't make me want to scream half the time. I know this is probably a good thing, but I'm a huge drama queen, so I sometimes see it as boring instead of a positive. I miss the days of dramatic blog entries about the random shit that the men I've dated have done. Instead, the only thing I really have to say is that my boyfriend loves to post sappy photos of us on Facebook and put ridiculous captions underneath that manage to embarrass me and make me smile at the same time. Not exactly the things great blog entries are made of.

In the end, what troubles me the most is the fact that I'm hinging my interestingness on my relationship status. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm any less worthwhile or that I don't have interesting, insightful things to say. I'm still the same crazy, say anything, TMI-spewing chick I've been for the past couple of years. Now, I just happen to have a boyfriend in my life. Things have changed, but I haven't.

it's christmastime in the city!

Yeah, I've entered my Long Island, at-home-with-the-family Internet-free cocoon. I have three Twitter accounts I'm not updating, haven't checked Facebook in forever, and the blogging is at an all-time low. Apologies, I'll try to do better, but I'm enjoying the break. It's nice to clear my head a little bit and stop analyzing shit. Instead, I've been sleeping and watching movies and TV with the fam.

I'm going out tomorrow with the work chicas to see Black Swan (again) and get margaritas! Yay! I'm excited because I miss them all like whoa! I'm also going to do some major work on my hair, which is dry, brittle, and shedding wayyy too much for my liking. I bought a fuck-ton of natural hair products and I'm getting ready to work it out. I watched Good Hair today, which reminded me why I'm so happy I'm not relaxing my hair anymore. No judgment to those who do, but I needed a break from all of that. I also got my brand new iPad! Yay! The boyfriend wants us to get matching apps so we can play games together. Good Lord, what am I going to do about this boy? Then he suggested a kama sutra app and it restored my faith in our relationship.

Okay, going back to my wine-induced slothdom. No frackin' clue why I'm up at 2am, especially considering I'm going to a 10:40am movie tomorrow, but it's all good! I'm on vacation! =)

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 13

I'm a little bit behind, but here's Day 13. The task was to come up with 100 things that make us happy. Here's my list, in no particular order:

1. Trashy television
2. Sugar cookies
3. Massages
4. Unbridled laughter
5. Writing
6. Composition notebooks
7. Sarcasm
8. My parents
9. Jon Hamm
10. Steak
11. Jalapeno hot sauce (and jalapenos in general)
12. My officemates
13. Violent make-out sessions
14. Blogging
15. San Francisco weather
16. The Yankees
17. Lemonade
18. Talking about sex
19. Obsessive use of Foursquare
20. Twitter
21. Blow jobs (I'm just keeping it real, ya'll...)
22. Spending entire days in bed
23. My DVR
24. gChat
25. Making lists
26. Dancing
27. Lady Gaga
28. Glee
29. Being obsessed with Criminal Minds
30. The MCM
31. Technology
32. Being snarky
33. Natural hair
34. Boot camps
35. Long walks
36. Ferry rides
37. Mexican food
38. Books
39. History Channel specials
40. Smiles from cute strangers
41. Alcatraz tours
42. Finding money in old purses
43. The color yellow
44. Kittens/cats
45. The Chappelle Show
46. Live comedy shows
47. Alcohol
48. Cleavage
49. Being by the water
50. This video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCK7njbgDO8&feature=player_embedded
51. Jeopardy
52. Word games
53. Late nights in New York
54. Soy Caramel Macchiatos 
55. Russian culture
56. Love Actually
57. Making up nicknames for all my friends
58. Spooning
59. Mani/pedis
60. Minneola Tangelos 
61. Candy
62. Jezebel.com
63. Laura Ingalls Wilder books
64. Feminism
65. Intelligence
66. The made-up language that Jammerz and I use
67. New York pizza and bagels
68. Doing my job well
69. Volleyball
70. Boston-New York rivalries
71. Bourbon and Branch
72. Getting hammered on work nights
73. My alma mater
74. Day drinking
75. Android cell phones
76. Eucerin lotion (haha, I have dry skin)
77. My sorority sisters
78. Everyone who comments on my blog
79. Being "one of the guys"
80. Fancy dresses
81. White House Black Market
82. Exploring other cultures
83. Old school animated Christmas specials
84. Church hymns
85. Witty banter
86. Musical theater
87. Nostalgia
88. Spearmint candy canes
89. Riesling
90. White Russians
91. Movie theaters
92. Geeky fantasy novels
93. Inappropriate comments
94. A man with a good sense of humor
95. Adoption
96. This video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UehSJlOQj2I
97. Autumn leaves
98. Easter sunday dinner
99. Black Twitter
100. Waking up early

i suck at christmas...

I am the world's worst gift-giver. Seriously, I just don't know how to do it. Every so often I have a savant moment and I get something amazing - like last year when I bought my dad a netbook. Other than that, though, I'm functionally retarded when it comes to buying gifts.

I'm super stressed out this year because boyfriend bought me a gift and I have *no* idea what to get him. I also don't know what his gift is - it's probably something awesome because he's awesome and into me and a good person. I, on the other hand, am a selfish, narcissistic bitch, so it's going to be hard for me to think of something good to get him. I'm thinking a case for his iPad. It's not that personal, but hey - we've been together for less than three months. To top it off, I have absolutely no idea what to get friends and family. My mother is really the one I'm worried about. I mean, my stupid brothers don't care what I get them and my dad is happy with anything, but my mother is nuts. She used to tell us when we were kids, "It's the thought that counts. But you have to think!" Just to give you a little taste of my childhood. I wish I could just put money in an envelope because I know she needs it and at least it would be something she wouldn't return.

So yeah, boyfriend's gift is sitting under my tree and I'm dying to know what it is. It's very long and flattish and thin. He says I can't open it til Christmas, so I guess it'll just sit there for a while. In other news, he met more of my friends on Sunday. I really wanted to intro him to Freshman Year Best Friend because his opinion means a lot to me and he knows me really well, so I like getting his perspective. He likes him, so yay! Everyone was friendly and the boy talked more than he normally does and it was a good time. So that's a plus!

Anyway, I am seriously slacking on work and need to email this presentation out to my team. Of course, first I have to finish it!  Wish me luck!

holiday party magic!

Friday night was the big company party! As with most things my job does, it was amazing. It took place at the Galleria in SF and the venue was gorgeous. It was a beautiful night - tons of people, three floors of good food, good drinks, and music. I was fairly intoxicated by the end of the evening, and the boyfriend doesn't dance so we left kind of early to head back to my place for some more private fun =) And look at me, being all good, I have some photos from the party!

 The Galleria

 Partygoers on multiple floors

Boyfriend and I got a caricature

All in all, the evening was really nice! It was fun to introduce boyfriend to my work friends and I love getting dressed up and going to fancy places. We had a really nice night! 

can you be happy being happy?

I am really loving my life in San Francisco. It's almost scary how well things have fallen into place. The other day I was in the backseat of a cab, traveling home after a dinner at a friend's place and I just felt so overwhelmingly full of happiness and contentment. Things seem to be working out for me so far - new job, new boyfriend, reconnecting with old friends. I feel like my gamble on moving here has really paid off. However, I've noticed something about myself throughout this whole process. Basically, my happiness hinges on how much control I feel I have over my life. If I don't feel like I put the ball into motion on something, I can't truly love it or embrace it fully. I don't know if that's a positive character trait or a flaw, but I'm the ultimate control freak in that way.

I'm not sure happiness suits me. I'm an incredible worrier and even as happy as I am, I keep thinking about things that need to change or negative thoughts about positive aspects of my life. I look at my relationship and I wonder if I can ever really be happy with someone else. If I can open myself enough to let someone really see me and be with me. I'm a complicated, complex, moody person and I just wonder if I'll ever like anyone enough to want them to stick around. I also have life-ADD like whoa. Symptoms include: Inability to stay in one city for longer than two years, Constant desire for change, Feeling that all things and people are ultimately disposable. It's really pathological how tied to change I am. MB pointed it out to me once - the fact that I tend to always choose the difficult road. Always. Now that I've moved to SF and followed the tough path and seen it pay off, I wonder if I'll stick around long enough to enjoy it. Or if I'll try again, pick the difficult choice and uproot myself - whether mentally, physically, or emotionally.

People are always saying "happiness is a journey, not a destination," but I'm firmly convinced that that's my problem. I'm down for the journey, but when I get to where I'm going, I never want to stop.

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 9

I'm back on the challenge! I've been a little behind, but I'm on Day 9 and figured I'd take some time to blog about it. The challenge (from yesterday) was to do one thing in order to further a goal you have. I decided to focus on my goal to be a world-famous, fabulous blogger =) Okay... maybe not world famous, but I definitely want to take this blogging thing to the next level - more interaction, more readers, better content.

So today, I've joined 20 Something Bloggers in the hopes of getting some feedback on this site, as well as connecting with other bloggers. In addition to that, I have some awesome regular readers who comment here a lot and I want to spread the love to their blogs as well. So I'll be adding a bunch of new feeds to my reader. I also started a Twitter account - you can find me on www.twitter.com/pillowtkisextra! Lastly, but not least-ly (hehe), I ordered a new blog design from Utterly Chaotic Designs (thanks for the recommendation - Late to the Party and MommaSkinnyJeans)! Okay, I know that that's not one thing, but what can I say - I'm an overachiever!

I really enjoyed this exercise - I've been blogging for such a long time (7 years, ya'll!) and I really want to start being a larger part of the blog community - sharing my writing, experiences, and works with others. I have no idea where the hell all this will lead, but I want to take the necessary steps to make this hobby something more!

our blogs, our boyfriends.

Is it unethical not to tell your boyfriend about your blog?

I've been thinking about this lately because my boyfriend doesn't know about this here corner of the internet. I may have mentioned that I blog when we first started dating, but it's never been anything I've emphasized and he never asked about it, so I never elaborated. I guess it all boils down to the fact that I like sharing my life on the internet. I don't really think anything is TMI - well, there are a few things, but in general I tell ya'll everything. I mean, I wrote in detail about a one night stand where I kicked a guy in the face! I don't shy away from sharing it all because I wish someone would've told me what the real world is like, what real relationships between men and women were like. This way, I can share some of my experiences with people and hopefully find some common ground. If not, then I guess I can give you guys something to laugh/shake your head at =)

Of course, this means that I share details about my feelings and my experiences as they're being formed - thought processes that I'm not sure I want my boyfriend (or any man I'm dating) to see. This blog has helped me explore my relationships and my sexuality and I view it as a necessary outlet for my personal growth. However, I get that a man might want to know what I'm talking about here and what I say about him. I try to think about it in the reverse - if a guy I was seeing had a similar blog and didn't want to tell me about it, how would I feel? To be honest, I don't think I'd really care much. I would view it as a diary - everyone's entitled to one of those, right? However, as Freshman Year Best Friend brought up when we went out for dinner yesterday, a diary is totally private, whereas a blog is public and out there. How can I restrict someone that means something to me from something that everyone in the world has access to see? I have to say he has a point.

I mean, I want a relationship based on trust and openness, but I don't necessarily feel the need to know every single thought that my significant other has. That being said, I think I'd like it if eventually I dated someone that I felt comfortable sharing this with - someone who would know about it, but would be secure enough in us and in our relationship not to use it to pry into my thoughts and to be comfortable being written about. But I know that not all men are like that. I like to think my current boyfriend is the type who doesn't need to know everything about me in order to trust me. He knows that I don't cheat and that I'm faithful. He knows I need my 'me' time and that I can't be available all of the time. I respect him for that because it makes me more enthused to be with him - having a man who gives you your space makes you want to be with him that much more.

There really is no conclusion to this for me - I think blogging is always a slippery slope, especially when you have a blog that's as personal as mine is. I pour everything into this and it's hard to think about letting someone see that side of me so quickly. So I think for now, I'm going to keep it to myself, until I get more of a sense of where this relationship is headed and how much he can handle having an exhibitionist girlfriend who's TMI-ing it all over the internet. But I still have to wonder if I think it's fair to hold this back. Thoughts?

Christmas!

I spent most of last weekend decorating for Christmas with my boyfriend. It was super-exciting and no one killed anyone, even after stops at Target, Michael's, and the liquor store with the crazy rush of holiday shoppers. I posted some pics below of what we did.

The tree - I can't take any credit for this, as the Blexican put up all the ornaments. It's beautiful and every night I come home and sit in front of it and dream about Christmas.

Okay, boyfriend thought this thing was weird and gave me *major* side-eye when I picked it up, but it might be my favorite Christmas decoration. It's a cute little snowman and with the lights off, all lit up, it looks adorbz.

A black angel because I'm black and tend to buy black things. I don't know why, but the Michael's in Daly City was FULL of black Santas and angels. I didn't think there was a large number of black people out there. My mom says, and I quote "that shit is probably left over from last year and it didn't sell." Hahaha. No clue why it was there, but I enjoyed the selection.

I did a bunch more decorating, but figured I'd just show a few pics. I am absolutely obsessed with the Christmas season and I'm excited I get to go home every night to a decorated living room. It makes SF feel more like home.

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 5

I am so behind on this! It's overwhelming, but I think it's necessary and useful to my personal growth so I'm going to try my darnedest to catch up!

Day 5: Write a personal mission statement.
So the goal here is to write a statement that takes into account all of the values from Day 3 and gives you a concise summary of what you want in your life and who you want to be. Mine is the following:

I will strive to live a life of passion and dynamic change - a life in which I pursue my interests and desires, never being afraid to step outside of my comfort zone. I will be strong enough to travel my path alone, but open enough to embrace and accept the love and friendship that others offer me on my journey. I will search for a real career path, something that I love to do, a job that I will be excited to wake up for each morning. When I lose that passion and that flame, I will move on to the next phase in my life. I want to ensure that I always balance my career with "me time" and the chance to blow off steam with some friends. I love alcohol and entertaining and being social and that should balance out the time I spend at work. I will use my organization skills and OCD tendencies to streamline my life and my finances. I want to live a life of joy and happiness - making other people laugh and laughing at myself. I will seek out knowledge - taking classes, reading books, and soaking up whatever new information I can get my hands on. I will always stress the need for balance in my life, remembering that you need the sour to appreciate the sweet. I will never take any experience for granted, even a bad one because all experiences are opportunities for learning and growth.

zomg new job!

Quick update because I'm super behind on life! I got the job! I am going to be the new Marketing Events Administrator, helping with some of the major events at my company. I'm starting from the bottom, but I'm going to work my way up and it's going to be awesome. I get to move over to the San Francisco office, which means a shorter commute with less stress. Plus, I'm going to get to do something I've always wanted to do - event planning. I'm so frickin' excited! I'm sad to leave my team because I love them to death, but I'm really happy to have this new opportunity! YAY!

Okay, that's all!

i'm almost there!

I just realized I never posted about the job updates that are happening right now. First of all, I'm super excited to say that the Marketing Events team likes me and I'm advancing to the next round (I love how that makes it sound like a competitive sport or something). Basically, this means hiring committee has to review me and determine if I sound like I could do the job or if I'm a reject. I'm a little nervous because this particular hiring committee has some bigwigs on it, like people you read about on teh interwebs. I'm terrified to think that these big time tech folks are going to be judging me and could potentially find me lacking.

That's not the real fear, though. My real fear is that they'll downlevel me or that my pay will change. Basically, they tell you when you apply that there's a chance you compensation could go down. I'm really hoping that doesn't happen, although I've prepped for that. The real issue is down-leveling. I don't think I've blogged too much about my job struggles, but long story short - it took me a *long* time to get promoted and it was long overdue when it happened. Mostly a combination of shitty timing, the rotation program I was in, and a manager that has since been fired. So to go back would be a deal-breaker for me. Since I'm starting a new career, though, I think that they could argue for it. I just don't know. I suppose there's nothing to do but wait to see if I get the damn job first, and then what comp comes back with in terms of an offer. Blarg. Annoying. But, anyhow - yay! They like me! They want me! Now the higher-ups just need to decide they like me, too.

In other news, I had a nice night in with my boyfriend last night and I'm slowly but surely starting to eradicate the fears I have about our relationship. More on that later =)

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 3

Today, the challenge asked us to pick our Top 10 values and list them. This was really hard for me, actually. I had a list of about 20 when I did my brainstorm and narrowing them down was difficult. I did learn something about myself, though, when I looked at what I had to cut out. I think I may have even learned more by what I didn't include than what I did. When I did my first Top 10, absolutely nothing I wrote had anything to do with family or friends or love. I know I joke around about being an ice queen, but maybe there's more truth to it than I thought. Then I really started to look at my life and the things that have really sustained me and while love is definitely not on my list, friendship was something that just had to be there. I'd be nothing without my friends, for real. So here's my list (in no particular order):

1. Financial security: This is what I've been striving for my whole life - having enough money to live the life I want. I don't need to be filthy rich (although I certainly wouldn't turn it down), but I want to know that I will always be able to provide for myself and my family. 
2. Intelligence: I am an intellectual snob. I love knowledge and learning and I have a special place in my heart for geeks. I like learning useless facts for trivia and I love reading about things I don't know and trying to beef up my knowledge factor.
3. Passion: I don't like to do things half-ass, so I don't. If I don't want to do something, it's most likely just not going to get done. I went to a palm reader once because I was curious why I have a line going all the way across my palm (I've only met one other person with the same palm line). She told me it was because I needed to be fully invested in everything I do, that I needed to be passionate about the things I get involved in or else I can't function. She's 100% correct - I need passion to feel complete.
4. Balance: I think this is one of the most important things in life. I always want to make sure that I'm completely balanced and that nothing is off-kilter. I need the yin and the yang to feel like my life is going well.
5. Independence: I don't like relying on anyone for anything - it's too easy to be disappointed. Instead, I strive to always support myself in all that I do and to be emotionally strong enough to handle what life throws my way without any assistance. I know this isn't 100% possible, but I don't ever want to feel like I'm depending on someone else to live my life.
6. Ability to laugh at life: I laugh at everything, even shit I shouldn't laugh at. I don't know if it's a black thing - we love our humor! - but I just like finding the funny in everything around us. I believe that there's no situation that can't be lightened by a funny joke or a witty comment. The day I stop laughing is when I'll know that life is no longer worth living.
7. Organization: I have serious OCD. I mean it. I make lists like a crazy person about shit that people shouldn't make lists for. Fuck cleanliness, organization is next to godliness for me. I like feeling like my life is in order.
8. Ability to accept and embrace change: I have a huge boner for change - I love it. It forces you to grow, makes you flexible and teaches you that nothing in life is permanent. Anytime I have a chance to do something different, I take it. It's never steered me in the wrong direction because I've always learned something from it.
9. Learning about other cultures: I love learning about groups that are different from my own. I'm a half-black, half-Puerto Rican chick, but I'm obsessed with Russian culture and I was in Asian club for all my years in high school. I'm constantly trying to learn more about the world and other people's customs. 
10. Friendship: If nothing else, I hope people think I'm a good friend. My friends are my lifeline and they sustain me when I don't have anything else to hold onto. So I try to do my best to stay connected and to be there when people need me.

arg, why now?!

Okay, so I haven't seen my boyfriend in two and a half weeks because I was home in NY and then when I got back, he was working nights. Tonight is supposed to be our big 'bomb chicka wow wow' evening of doing nothing but having sex but NO. My motherfucking period has to show up, even though my Android app told me she wasn't coming until tomorrow. Fuck womanhood. Okay, I don't mean that, but I'm frustrated. Sex delayed for another week. Awesome. I know I could just have sex while I have my period, but I don't like it - so there! Wah! FML!

In other news, I am obsessed with my My Days app on my Droid Incredible. I can add when my period starts and ends as well as when I have sex. It tells me when my next period is going to happen (it's usually right, this month was a fluke) as well as when I'm high fertility. It's AMAZING. Technology improves everything!

Anyway, I'm grumpy and crampy, so don't mind me. I do have lots of fun weekend plans, though! Tonight is boyfriend time. Tomorrow is my Mad Men/Nopalito date with MB, followed by a drag show with my work friends (cannot wait!). Sunday is more boyfriend time and we're going to decorate my apartment for Christmas and then go see a Christmas show! So maybe the weekend won't suck so much, but my body has horrible timing this month. Although, as usual - thank you God for not making me pregnant! W00t!

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 2

Yes, yes, folks - I'm doing another 30ish day challenge! I'm really excited about this one, though. It's being run by @HappyBlackWoman who I've been following on Twitter and whose blog I've been reading since this summer. Basically, it's a chance to do some pre-work before all those New Years resolutions. A time of reflection, renewal, and recharging for the year ahead. For more information, you can peep the challenge info here. Today's exercise is to conduct a life assessment, something I'm constantly doing in my head and in my various docs, but haven't really formalized. So here goes, I'll be evaluating what I love and hate about these 7 areas of my life:

• Lifestyle
• Work
• Education
• Finances
• Health
• Family
• Relationships

Here goes!

Lifestyle: Moving to San Francisco this August was the best decision I've made in a long time. I feel at home here and I'm loving living by myself. I love my apartment, it's got tons of space and it's all mine. I hate that I haven't decorated or really put my mark on the place. I hate that I don't cook at all and instead eat 3 meals a day at my job. It makes me feel like I'm not a real adult. I hate that I haven't bought nice pots and pans or cookware and that I don't have "adult" things. I have nice furniture, but I haven't put any artwork up or really gone about making my place look homey.

Work: I love where I work - my company is young, vibrant, and full of talented and smart people. I love the opportunities they've given me and the things they do. I love my team and my manager - they're amazing people who make going to work fun and I honestly think the only reason I've done this job as long as I have is because of them. What I hate is that I feel lost in my career and I feel like I'm doing something that's not really meant for me. I fell into HR by accident - it was supposed to be a stopover until I started doing what I thought I was meant to do - being an attorney. Instead, I decided the law wasn't for me and I just stayed in my current place, without thinking about what I really wanted to do. I grew complacent and stagnant and those are two qualities I can't stand. I'm starting to get out of that funk, but I still hate that I have no concrete plan for my future. I don't do well with not having a plan.

Education: I love the fact that my parents sacrificed a lot for me to attend my alma mater. I fully acknowledge that if it weren't for my Ivy League education, I probably wouldn't be working where I am today with all the opportunities I have. I am grateful for everything my parents did to get me there, as well as my own part in studying and working hard and being intellectually curious. However, I do hate that I haven't pursued a higher degree. For a long time I wanted to be a lawyer, but I realized that that's not the path for me. I do think, though, that I need to get some more education, hopefully an MBA. I also  have a strong desire to get involved in the sex education business and I know that in order to do that, I need to get certified and take classes. I just hope I never stop learning, whether it's from the classroom, reading on my own time, or researching the things I'm interested in.

Finances: Anyone who knows me knows that I suck at money. My finances are a hot ass mess, which is a goddamn shame because I have a steady, well-paying job but apparently I don't have any sense. I love that I have the money to live the lifestyle I like. I hate that I can't seem to save money for anything and that I'm not as stable in the long-term as someone in my situation should be. This is one area with huge red flags all over it - I need to fix my money quickly because you never know what could happen, especially in this economy.

Health: Another "area for development." I love that I have such a solid grip on my emotions and my inner mental growth - I'm incredibly introspective and I try to reason out all of my feelings so I know what's going on in my head. My spiritual health could probably use some work, but I don't know if I'm ready to tackle that yet. What I hate is that I'm not 100% satisfied with my physical fitness. It's not as much about my weight, it's more the fact that I used to be super athletic and now I've just kind of stopped doing anything physical at all. I miss feeling like my body could do anything - walking a half-marathon, playing a game of volleyball, doing a boot camp. I want to feel that again. I need to really look at what I'm putting into my body and maybe swap out some of the booze for some fruits and veggies. I love living the drunken, party girl lifestyle, but one day it's going to catch up with me and it will not be pretty. 

Family: I love that I have such a supportive family - my mother, father, and three brothers. We're a pretty close bunch and we're all a bunch of characters. Our loud, New York personalities make going home for the holidays a blast. What I hate is that the distance makes it so difficult for me to communicate with them regularly. I live in SF and they're all in NY. I work a demanding job, so by the time I get home, it's like 10pm their time and my geriatric parents are already asleep. I hate that I'm not patient with them - that I snap at my mother and ignore her calls and texts sometimes because she'll contact me at inconvenient times. I wish I could be a little bit kinder with them, realizing that it's hard to have your only daughter 3,000 miles away from you.

Relationships: I love that I have a ton of amazing friends and that they're family to me at this point. I love that I still spend every day talking to three people I met in the 7th grade. I love that I've made excellent work friends that I can party with, share secrets with, and laugh with. I love that after 25 years of being single, I've finally found a boyfriend. For the hate side of this coin, I'm a bit challenged emotionally. I find it hard to connect to people sometimes, especially men. I'm in this relationship, but sometimes I'm not sure I'm really in it. I get scared and I always want to run away. I need to work on fixing that. I hate that I can't seem to open up to the guys I date and really give them my all, the way I do with my friends.

Wow, that was long, but super productive. I love inspecting my life from all angles, so this was a perfect exercise for me!

Hopefully this challenge will help me grow =)

change is a comin'!

I'm really excited about my reinvigorated interest in my blog - it's extremely refreshing and I can't wait to really take my involvement with blogging and the social media world to the next level! To begin with, I have a new address - http://www.pillowtalkisextra.com! Tell your friends! Pretty soon, I'm going to be linking this page to the world on my twitter account(s) in the hopes of attracting new readers and getting myself out there. I've decided that the time has come to really figure out what my identity is going to be on the interwebs. In that vein, I'm going to make my current personal twitter account private, so I feel more comfortable posting this blog there and I can also share it with all of you! Then, I'll have my public twitter account where I'll be more PG-13 and work-friendly.

As far as what's going to change here - a new layout for sure, as well as more pictures and glimpses of my actual personal life. I may even try my hand at vlogging, although I'm pretty sure I'll suck and I have this thing about seeing myself on television (I did a TV show in college and the memories still haunt me...), so we'll see if that happens. As far as content, same general stuff - me trying to figure out my career, my relationship, sex stuff. I'll be the same honest-to-a-fault, narcissistic over-sharer =)

yay! i just changed my domain!

Edit: Well, it all works fine except for the frickin' RSS feed, which means I don't even know if anyone knows this is being posted. Arg, I'm too tired to fix tonight, but I'm going to do battle tomorrow! If anyone knows how to fix this, that would be great... Apparently, it's fixed! Yay me!

This is really just a test to see if the forwarding works on Google Reader, but I wanted to let ya'll know that I've changed my domain to http://www.pillowtalkisextra.com. That's right, bitches - I have a domain! YAY! Expect more changes to come soon!

Love ya!
CJ

p.s. I was having *major* problems over the past few days getting this shit together, so I'm super proud that I got it to work tonight, especially since I was doing it while watching Glee, drinking copious amounts of wine, and sexting my boyfriend. Oh, yeah, I'm a rockstar! A drunk rockstar, but a rockstar nonetheless. You love me! =)