another successful commencement.

I'm back at home in my bed in SF, recovering from the weekend. Not gonna lie, I'm extremely tired and my body hurts, so that's a sign that it's been an excellent Commencement. I had a good time hanging out with the '07 sorority girls, seeing all the '06ers at their 5 year reunion, and hanging out with some old friends. I feel like I got to see almost everyone I needed to, all while eating my favorite Providence foods and drinking a ton of alcohol. Success!

Highlights of the weekend include:

• Getting hit on and propositioned by a 19 year old freshman. I have to give it to homeboy, he was bold. I kind of admired the cockiness, except for that fact that he's about my youngest brothers' age, but it takes balls (and probably a bunch of liquor) to hit on not one, but three 25 year old chicks. He was highly amusing, super fucking cute, and smelled nice, so I didn't mind too much. Plus, that whole cougar thing is kind of hot. 
• Getting drunkety drunk drunk at around 4pm at Kartabar. I had three specialty martinis (really should've stopped at two) and was pretty blitzed wayyy too early. Luckily, no sickness was involved, just lots of giggling and disorientation.
• The march. God, the march is always so epic for me. I cry almost every year, watching all of the alums and new grads march down the hill, cheering each other on. To quote one of my sisters who just got her masters from another university, "Have you ever been to a graduation at another school? They're total BS - no one does it like we do. Everything else is kind of disappointing." Agreed. Cannot wait for next year, when it's my five year reunion and hopefully we get a ton of returnees.

Now I'm at home, being good and cooking for myself. I plan on making three meals today, in addition to cleaning, watching tv, and finishing what's turning out to be my fave book of 2011 - Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken. I feel blissfully happy and looking forward to the summer!

Happy Memorial Day!

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

Commencement!!!! Yay! I cannot wait to blow this hot dog stand and get my booty to Providence. Just found out that some unexpected sorority guests will be there, so it will be tons and tons of fun. I honestly don't know how I've survived these past four years without having them in my life on a daily basis. It's also fitting that at a time when I've been thinking more and more about friendships and how mine are changing and evolving, that I'm going to be spending time with some of my closest friends.

Of course, my life is a shitshow and I haven't done any of the things I have to do for tonight (my flight is at 10:50pm). I'm not packed, I need a mani/pedi, and I have a fuckton of work to do and errands to run. So I'm working from home to make sure I get all this taken care of. I'm also kicking myself for not starting earlier since I went to the Glee concert last night and didn't get home til around 12:30am. It was so much fun and I love getting to see the work girls from my old team and hanging out with MB.

I love all of the different homes I've created for myself - New York, San Francisco, and Providence. I'm looking forward to spending the weekend in my college home - the first place where I really broke out of my shell, tried new things, and learned to be myself, regardless of what anyone had to say about it. Catch you next week, SF!

cramps corner!

Yay! More cramps corner! Normally, I use this space to bitch about things that are annoying me while I'm on my period. This time around I want to be positive and talk about some things that are exciting me. Lately, I've been a little bit worn down, with work and life and the nuances of growing up (which suck, btw, and I will blog about tomorrow). I need a little joy in my life. So here you go!

Top 7 things Cleo is excited about:

1. Commencement: I miss college. I miss college so much that sometimes it feels like there's a gaping hole in my life now that I've graduated. Luckily for me, I get to relive it for one weekend every year. Commencement, for me, is a time to be an irresponsible kid again - running around Providence, wreaking havoc and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. This year, there will be an abundance of '06ers and '07ers (my year) and I plan to catch up with old friends and get very, very sloshed doing the things I used to do when I was young and irresponsible. Looking forward to drinks at Kartabar, Indian food at Kabob N Curry, the Creperie, drinking and dancing with douchy frat-types at Spats, and of course, Campus Dance. 
2. New York City/LI vacay: For two glorious weeks spanning June and July, I will be back in my motherland - New York City/Long Island. There are few things in this life that I hold unwavering loyalty to (outside of family and friends, of course), but the place I grew up in will always hold a special place in my heart. I miss my Long Island summer existence, which consisted mostly of driving around for hours with the windows down, blasting music with my friends and singing like a crazy person. Beach trips with the MCM, delis and diners, Ralph's Italian Ices, hanging out at Starbucks, and spending late nights at the movies. Then there's NYC in the summer, which is truly magical - rooftop bars, margaritas with the work girls, laying out at Battery Park, boozy outdoor brunches. It doesn't get any more perfect than that. 
3. My first big event: I've been working on this 3500+ person sales conference since the day I started on my new team. In just 4 weeks, it all comes to fruition. I'm excited, nervous, and hopeful that everything goes well. I can't wait to see the outcome of all the hard work I've been putting in. It's going to be amazing! I love my job =)
4. Pinstripe Nation comes to Oakland: YANKEES DOMINATION! Despite our erratic playing this year, I am a die-hard Yankees fan and will support them no matter what. That's why, when they come to Oakland, I'm going to be in my Granderson jersey and hat, cheering my ass off in enemy territory and mean mugging anyone that has a problem with it. 
5. Jazzgirl moving to SF: OMGYAY! Girl Roomie from NYC is moving to SF at the end of the summer and I'm ecstatic! Part of the reason I live alone is because I could never find a roommate as awesome and amazing as she was, and I'm so happy that I'll get to see her on a regular basis. She is awesome. Plus, her college friends are also awesome and I firmly plan on wedging myself into their little circle =)
6. Reboot of my sorority girl life: I really miss sorority life - all of it, even the drama. All I really want is to see two girls fight over how to make fondue (I'm not exaggerating this at all. In my sorority, every single year we threw a fondue rush party and every single year, it turned into a screaming match about the proper way to use the pot. There was cursing. People cried. It was ugly). All joking aside, though, I miss the camaraderie of my sisters and organizing events. Some of my best nights ever were spent in the company of my intelligent, interesting, gorgeous sisters. The point of all this is that the alumni chapter of my sorority is restarting their Bay Area chapter and they have a bunch of events coming up! Cannot wait to get involved.
7. Blog Summit in Chi Town: I've decided that I'm going to the 20SB Summit in Chicago this summer. I've never been to Chicago and I'm dying to check it out AND learn how to be a better blogger for all of you folks that read this.

Well, that was a useful exercise - I feel happier already!

the boy thing.

So I've made a conscious decision to stop "hanging out" (read: sleeping with) The Blexican. I really just need to cut it off. I think I decided while I was at L&S' wedding. Something about being in the presence of true love that makes me want to stop fucking around. I would be okay with it, if he was on the same page, but I know he's way more into it than I am and I don't think it's just for the sex. I mean, I'm not that good. I know he wants the relationshippy aspects, too, and that we're basically dating. If all we did was have sex and then go home, it would be a different story, but we go to Alcatraz, dinners, movies. Not okay. It's just so hard to do the celibate thing sometimes. I guess I'm realizing that since I started dating him, I've kind of changed my sex routines. Can you believe that until a few days ago, I hadn't watched a single solitary piece of porn in about 4 months?!?! Do you know how insane that is?! I've been watching some variation of porn since I was 9 years old. Sweet Jesus. Relationships really do change a person.

Anyway, I was not intending to go off on that tangent. I guess what's really bothering me about the whole arrangement is that I have this feeling that God is testing me. Like, I won't be able to find real, true love until I prove that I can sacrifice the easy fix and go back to being alone. Then, maybe when I'm in that state, I'll be open, receptive, and ready for a real relationship. Maybe then God will see fit to bring someone special into my life. I view life as a big test and I think God likes to throw you curveballs to make you work. For me, relationships with men are my curveball. Life really would be easier if I didn't have to deal with all these thoughts and notions that swirl around in my mind.

I don't really want to break up a second time, though. It's way too exhausting and I don't have the patience for it. I'm better at the fade out. Eventually, I'll stop thinking of him and he'll stop thinking of me and it'll be good. Or at least as good as it can be. That sounds like the right solution.

r&r weekend!

I am finally on the way to getting my life back! I'm cleaning, cooking, resting, relaxing, doing some work. It feels so good. I even had time to be social and I'm planning on going to Maker Faire today with my co-workers. I skipped out on the natural hair event, but I'm fine with it. All I wanted yesterday was to be in my apartment alone with nowhere to go and only my to do list to answer to =) Some days, I just need that.

Another busy week ahead, but the difference is this time I feel prepared for it. I have a million plans - going to the Glee concert! D's birthday dinner! And the New York coworkers are visiting, which means lots of gossip to catch up on. Then, on Thursday night, I head out to Providence for a weekend of college-style debauchery for Commencement. I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time - it's my favorite time of year. Visiting all of my old haunts, getting drunk with my sorority sisters, stumbling around Thayer Street (and sometimes vomiting on Thayer St - but we're gonna try not to repeat that this go round). I get so nostalgic for that period of my life, when I was becoming the person I am now. I miss the ease of it all, having most of my friends around me, with enough freedom to feel like an adult, but not enough responsibility to actually be an adult. I miss it.

Anyway, I'm currently enthralled in Vampire Diaries and wishing that two smokin' hot brothers would duke it out over me. All while sending The Blexican text messages canceling our plans for today because I know I shouldn't see him any more. Everything else is going pretty well, but the boy thing gets me every single time. It's so easy when I put them out of my mind, but the second I have to deal with one, I get sucked back into the madness. I think my only options are 'arranged marriage' or 'join the nunnery' before my head explodes. Back to the escapist world of television!

long overdue rant.

While I was busy not blogging, there was this huge uproar on Black Twitter and the Black Blogosphere about this absolutely shittastic, racist article in Psychology Today by Satoshi Kanazawa titled "Why Are Black Women Rated Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?" First of all, the article was initially titled "Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women," which goes to show the true nature of the study, but they added the word 'rated' to make it sound slightly less offensive. After black women flipped the fuck out, the dumbasses at Psychology Today removed the article.
I honestly don't know where to begin. The stupidity of actually publishing such drivel is astounding to me - could they possibly have thought it was a good fucking idea? Do they think we don't read? That we don't keep up with current events or publications? Did they honestly think that someone wasn't going to get pissed off about the article and pass it on to someone else? Black women are extremely well-connected when it comes to social media - we're blowing up Twitter on a constant basis, we blog, we read other women's blogs, and we talk and share what we've read. They had to know it was only a matter of time before someone got upset and rallied the troops.
Then there's the writer himself. I don't think the words 'racist bastard' say enough, but it's the first thing to come to my mind. Some dickwad with a PhD and some bullshit evolutionary pseudo-science behind him thinks he can use it to make widespread, sweeping statements about beauty - something that is HIGHLY subjective. There isn't a single human being that every person in the world would say is beautiful. It doesn't happen - people value different things, have different turn-ons. Of course, this isn't the first time someone's used "science" to justify their particular brand of racism (see: the whole eugenics movement, Nazi experiments on the Jewish people, and the list continues), but I thought we would be past that in two thousand fucking eleven. And who is asking for these studies anyway? I don't remember waking up one day and thinking, "Hey! I feel really unattractive today. Maybe it's because I'm black. I wish someone would do a study on that. It would really help me out."
All in all, it just makes me angry and upset because it's yet another example of mainstream media picking black women apart, bit by bit. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. We get criticized about our looks, our weight, our personalities, our education, and let's not forget - WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE ALONE, RIGHT?! Haven't we been through enough? From getting carted over here in slave ships, to picking cotton in the fields, to watching our brothers/sisters/sons/daughters/husbands sold away from us, to having the KKK sic dogs on our men and lynch them for no good reason, to being mistrusted, harassed and beaten by the police, I think we're sick and tired of being assaulted by the masses. I know I am.
So I have a message to Mr. Kanazawa and other members of the media who want to run special reports about how I'm ugly or bitchy or emasculating or doomed to be single forever - shut the fuck up. No, seriously - shut. the. fuck. up. I don't want to hear it anymore. Just leave black women alone and go about your business. We don't need your reports or your research or your racism. I'll be damned if I'm going to let you tell me that I'm ugly. Not when there are people out there injecting collagen into their lips and ass to get what I had at birth. Not when I've gotten hit on by all types of men - black, white, brown, Hispanic, Asian. In short, Mr. Kanazawa, I think it's time for you to sit down and maybe take some time to examine your own prejudices and think about what you're going to say before you put it down on paper. You can be as ignorant as you want within the confines of your own mind, but once you write something down, you can't take that shit back. //end rant

random thoughts on a thursday night.

Life is such a funny, crazy, busy thing. I've been having all these intense feelings and thoughts lately, while I scramble to get my life together. I think I've started to careen out of control lately with how much I'm doing and what I want to accomplish. I'm trying to take a step back and evaluate what's going on with me and how I'm going to pull myself out of this chaos.

I'm hoping to get a handle this weekend, even though I have already made some plans. My apartment is starting to look like Grey Gardens. I'm not even joking - they could film an episode of Hoarders in here. I need to get on that stat before (1) I get some sort of infestation or (2) I trip, fall, break my neck and my body is left to rot for weeks. Yeahhh, cleaning! Woo hoo!

I tried taking this Energy Management class at work and it sucked like whoa. A complete waste of time and I got nothing out of it. I'm still searching for the perfect time/energy management solution - some kind of way to compartmentalize my life so that I can include every little thing I want to get done - work, reading, time with friends, writing, blogging. I have so many interests and just not enough time to explore them all.

I'm starting to get disgusted with my body. I need to start working out and stop shoveling crappy food down my throat... says the girl who's planning to go to Butter tomorrow night and eat mozzie sticks and deep fried twinkies. Jaykay on the twinkies - that's gross, but yes to fried cheese! I just don't know how I've let myself go so quickly. Normally I'm on this and I'm really good at maintaining my weight.

Yoga is becoming something I'm interested in trying. My therapist and I were talking about how I don't have any hobbies and maybe I need to get some. I mean, watching Mob Wives and Real Housewives is not a legit hobby. Yoga seems like it could center me and make me more limber. Perfect mind-body connection that my hippie-tendency self would love.

Anyway, it is time for this girl to watch Criminal Minds and sleep. More tomorrow, promise!

wow, i'm sucking at blogging. let me rectify that...

Hi friends! I've been away in the land of the great beyond... also known as a major event. Since I last posted (over a week ago, whoops!), a lot has gone down. First of all, I was super lazy last Saturday and did nothing but eat Mexican and watch Mad Men with MB. I also went to the sari shop in Berkeley THREE TIMES (no easy feat from my apartment in NoPa) to get saris for the wedding I attended this past weekend. It was a shitshow and in the end, they still didn't fit right and the woman at the store told me my boobs were too big. RAWR. Then I went to Alcatraz with The Blexican for a night tour. I totally recommend doing this - it's awesome. I want to go back like a million times.

This past week, we had a HUGE developer conference in SF that was my first big event! I was in charge of all the fun, snazzy stuff we gave away. It was a ton of manual labor and after 3 days of standing on my feet, I was exhausted each and every night. I looked a hot mess by the end. I did get to spend some time meeting a super sweet engineer who was cute and friendly and adorbz, though. That was nice! I also got to see how a massive event is executed. Also, I found out that I love my Chicago/Boulder teammates and they are the best ever. Wish they sat in SF. We went out and got drinks every night after the conference and it was great bonding time and I feel a little bit better about my place on the team.

Then, this weekend was the wedding! Indian wedding in Milwaukee. I loved every second of it. From the outfits, to the music, to the couple, to all of their friends and family, I had an amazing time. I will blog more about it this week! I loved my sari and I think I looked pretty cute. It was a great weekend spent meeting lots of new people and getting to learn more about a new culture. That's pretty much my ideal weekend. In related news, I must STOP giving my phone number out to boys. Also must stop talking to men I'm not interested in. I didn't realize that an hour-long convo with a guy will make him think you want to be with him. This is not how I operate. I'm a talker. I could talk to anyone on the planet (really, I can). Conversation doesn't mean much to me. I will talk to a potted plant or a kitten for hours. I just like the sound of my own voice and the art of conversing. So um yeah, life lessons learned from this wedding.

Anyhow, this week, I have a bunch of stuff to chat about. The wedding. My relationship with The Blexican. My horrible body image issues. I promise to more than make up for my radio silence =)

whirlwind

Good Lord - life is crazy right now and so of course, I'm procrastinating like whoa. I finally got my saris for L&S' wedding this weekend. I also went on the Alcatraz night tour with the Blexican. I bought a tin cup and a kick ass sign that reads, "You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else that you get is a privilege." I plan on hanging a copy of this in each of my children's bedrooms - haha. Just kidding (but not really)! I should be packing, as I'm spending the next three days, two nights at a hotel in downtown SF for the big developer conference. I don't know how I'm going to survive this week, but I can say that next week is going to be full of cleaning, laundry, and being anti-social. Life is hitting me a little too hard right now. I think I'll get to breathe at the end of June, once the big sales conference is out of the way - thank God. I'm going a little bit insane.
I have this whole post on body image all geared up (I've been having major issues with my body recently) and I'd love to update on what the deal is with me and Blexican, but I'm really freaking tired. So hopefully, before I leave for Milwaukee Indian wedding weekend, I'll be able to at least get those two things up. Anyway, hope you all had fabulous weekends!

derailed.

I have let this trip to DC completely derail me. I haven't been blogging or reading any blogs, plus I went to bed at 9:30pm and 7:30pm over the past two days - WTF is wrong with me?! I would try to get out of work early today, but we have a team drinking event tonight. As much as I want to bond with the team and get my drink on, I really would prefer bonding with my DVR and bed, but I suppose I have to go.

Recapping my life this week - the event was great! It was a huge success - great turnout, my furniture and decor looked great and everyone loved the swag! I really enjoyed it and I had a great time. I feel like an honest to God event planner now. Just in time because next week is the big developer conference and I'm helping manage our giveaways! Hopefully I'll get to meet some hotties because I'm totally boy obsessed right now. I think I've finally rediscovered my flirting mojo and want to get back in the game, even if I'm not feeling as attractive as I normally do. I miss boys and flirting and having a good time. It was nice to spend some time in VA with my single girlfriends - it reminded me of how much I need those relationships and miss them out here in SF.

So, gentlemen of San Francisco (or any other city I happen to blow through), I am 100% available, ready to charm you with my sarcastic wit, and willing to do things that are illegal in most southern states. Game on =)

happy may!

How in the hell did it get to be May 1st already? I seriously feel like I'm going to blink my eyes and I'll be 55, time is flying so fast. Life feels so surreal all of a sudden - I barely know where I am at any given moment. Right now, I'm pretty sure I'm sitting in bed at my hotel in Washington, DC. This weekend was amazing - so good to hang out with my sorority sisters, go to a horse race in a hat/fancy dress, drink and lay out in the sun. Amazing.

It was also crazy to see what it's like at UVA. It was such a completely different world than the one I'm used to. Definitely different from where I went to school and absolutely nothing like San Francisco. Sometimes I miss certain aspects of East Coast culture. I can't even really imagine people doing the whole horse race, dress-up thing out West. Everyone's too laid back. We're talking about a place where I routinely see grown men with BACKPACKS in the club. While I love the fact that I can dress down and feel perfectly at home, Foxfield races definitely made me want to step my game up a little bit in terms of how I dress and present myself. I've kind of let my shit go recently and that is not acceptable.

Being in DC is always nice - I have so much nostalgia around this city. I still remember being 20 years old, running around town with a fake ID and a government internship. I can't forget the heat of that summer and how I spent tons of time in Latino clubs with my Puerto Rican summer BFF, salsa dancing poorly with men whose heads reached only up to my boobs. I loved it. Also, when College BFF lived here, I routinely took the bus down from NYC - for Fourth of July and other shenanigans. It's good being back.

I'm nervous about tomorrow. My first event and I'm scared it's all going to fall apart. Luckily, I have some resources and I'm sure the event coordinator on-site will help make sure it's not an epic disaster. Let's just pray that everything is okay with both the furniture and the band. That's what I worry about the most. I guess this day had to come sometime, though. Time for me to prove that I can do this job.