back to our previously scheduled programming.

I hate leaving sad entries up at the top - it makes me uncomfortable. I'm a very cynical person, with a wicked sense of humor, but for whatever reason I like to keep things on this blog at least mildly positive. Even though the state of race relations in this world is going to hell in a hand basket, things in my personal life have actually been going quite well.

Psst - I have a secret! I like a boy and I'm terrified. It's been a while since I've liked a boy and even longer since I've liked a boy who isn't an asshole. I feel like men are constantly letting me down. I don't know if I just have high expectations because my father is the mothereffing shiznit, but I just expect some kind of common courtesy from the men I date and I so rarely get it. Somehow, though, TOJ has never failed to be there for me in the way I need him to be and it just feels really nice.

I need lots of reassurance, especially after the roller coaster that was POP - the boy who regularly took 24 hours to respond to texts. TOJ always checks in with me, every day, regardless of whether we're hanging out or not. What makes it even better is he does it without me asking and with no prompting - merely because he's thinking of me and wants to check in. It feels amazing.

We went out last night - to look at an apartment he's thinking of buying and then dinner and a concert. I'm a feminist til the day I die, but I really do love random acts of chivalry. I love that he opens the car door for me, pulls out my chair, and offers to pay for drinks, meals, and tickets. I also like that when I insist on paying for both of our drinks/meals/tickets, he lets me even though I know that Southern gentleman in him isn't used to that. He respects my opinion, always tells me I look beautiful (even when I know I don't), and I can just be myself with him. We've been dating a little less than two months and he's already seen me take my wig off (that was a huge moment in black girl dating history) AND wearing my ridiculous polar bear pajamas, hoodie, and bright pink fuzzy footie socks that my mom buys me. All that and he hasn't run for the hills! Instead, he encourages me to be myself, to be open and honest, and to confide in him.

All of this feels strangely healthy. I don't know if I can handle it =)