ch-ch-ch-changes!

I am addicted to change. I love it, I crave it, and I embrace it whenever I can. The best part about a door closing is all the other doors you can open. I'm feeling okay about the breakup - I think I've made my peace with it. Not to say I'm not sad or nostalgic, because I am a little bit of both. I spent some time today on the bus reminiscing about our various dates and outings, but I'm not emotionally devastated. I don't feel like this is the end of my romantic life or that I'll never recover. I feel hopeful, actually. I feel like I needed this relationship to point me in the right direction - to guide me. I now have a pretty solid understanding of how I want to be treated, what I deserve, and what I'm worth.

I have a friend from work who calls herself my life coach and she helps me process through a lot of my feelings. She asked me yesterday if I was sad about losing the relationship or losing him. She says this is the first real adult relationship I've been in and that maybe I'm mourning that and not him as a person. She asked if there was anything special about him. To be completely honest, I think the things that I liked the most were the way he treated me and how hot things were bedroom-wise. I think I may have been slightly dickmatized because the sex was so amazing and he was so kind to me. When I think about him as a person and the things that make him unique, they were okay, but it wasn't anything I was over the moon about. My mother asked me what we had in common and I couldn't really think of anything besides our personality traits - both sarcastic, cynical types. I can certainly find someone else who will treat me like that, but who I have more in common with.

With that, I've been thinking about some life changes I want to make, since this is the perfect opportunity for reinvention and renewal. Here are some things I've been working on:

• Revamping this blog. I want to take this blog back to its roots. I reverted to a simple template and I want to get back to doing what I used to do well - writing about my life, analyzing it, picking it apart. Writing about what I see and what I feel and being true to myself.
• Renewing my interest in sex ed. I reached out to SFSI about a volunteer role there. I've been realizing that the places I've been focusing my attention haven't been helping me. I've been trying to be a sorority advisor, as well as the young alumni chair for my region, but to be honest, I could care less about it. Instead, I want to devote time and energy to something I care about.
• Writing. I've finally started outlining and putting ideas on paper for this memoir I want to write. I have a title and a lot of awesome themes. Even if it ends up being shitty, I want to be able to say I wrote something that meant something to me.
• Side hustling. I have an idea. A seed for something that could be awesome and make me money and also fix some of the things that bother me in my life. I'm not ready to talk about it, but I'm hoping it could grow into a business. I'm in the early planning stages, but I'm very excited.

Doors are opening. I can't wait.