I don't know if it's just the perfect storm of circumstances or what, but I feel so shitty about my job right now. Which is so weird because in general, I love what I do and I've gotten to have some seriously amazing experiences. I have a really good job. I get paid well for the work I do and I get to travel on the company's dime and meet awesome people. Hell, my job is to spend other people's money and not just other people, but a major corporation. So why am I feeling this deep sense of discontent?
I think some of it boils down to what happened last week with my manager's manager. I just don't like petty bullshit and office politics and I think that I'm starting to really hate dealing with all of that. Normally, I'm able to stay out of the fray and just do my job and go home. Things have changed and now I'm involved. I just don't like what went down and I feel like I'm being grossly undervalued. If I had stayed in HR, I'd most certainly be at a higher level than I am now. I took this job knowing it would be a slower path - new role, new set of responsibilities, totally new industry. I'm fine with that, but I'm not fine with that plus being threatened over a comment I made to my friend 1000 miles away from the office. Besides the dramz, the things I'm working on are less than exciting at the moment. I know this will change in the second half of the year, but right now I'm just unfulfilled with what I'm doing.
Maybe it all boils down to the fact that I'm tired of working for somebody else, yet feel paralyzed to change that. I like the money I make and the thought of losing it to venture into God knows what is terrifying. Plus, I don't know what it is I want to do. If I had a clear direction, I think it would be easier, but I'm just not sure. What would make me happy? How would I be able to live the lifestyle I want to live while also having more freedom? I can't really think of anything that works and that I think I'm talented enough to do. I just have so many scattered interests. I need to hone on one of them and go for it, but that's easier said than done.
This whole dilemma makes me feel like a spoiled millenial. I know I should be happy with my job - I'm ridiculously lucky and I know that and understand it, but I'm still not entirely happy. Not really sure what to do next. At least I have therapy this week...