pondering celibacy.

Yes, I know. I like to randomly yell out about how I'm celibate in the middle of pizza parlors in the Upper Haight and then like two weeks later, I'm screwing someone again. I also tell all my friends I'm celibate when they ask me what's up with my love life. However, despite my joking, I heard an interesting take on celibacy last weekend and it has me thinking.

While I was volunteering at the sex ed class, they had their relationships panel, with a representative from different lifestyles - asexual, "slutty," polyamorous, monogamous, single, and then there was a celibate speaker. The thing that struck me so much is that I know her personally and I know that she enjoys sex and has a very active presence in the kinky community. So to hear that she takes time out after the end of a relationship to be celibate was really eye-opening for me. I think most people think of celibacy as some strange life choice people make due to religion, a strict upbringing, or just general prudery. Listening to my friend speak on it, it was more about empowerment and choice and connecting with yourself. She's done stints of celibacy that were 6 months and some that were 4 years. It was a chance for her to recharge her batteries (tee hee) and really get over the end of a relationship. She also mentioned she's done stints of celibacy where she didn't even masturbate. Complete and total lack of sexual release.

Well, I know that's not for me. I'll just put it this way - the best sexual partner I've ever had in my life is ME and I love myself too much to give that shit up, so that will not be happening. However, it's intriguing to think of the notion of celibacy and whether or not it's something I want to pursue. Ever since I've graduated from college, I've been in and out of somebody's pants pretty regularly. I think the longest I've gone without sex in that period is a couple of months - especially since my recent move to SF. I mean, I got here and like two weeks later slept with the Russian. Then, I got involved with The Blexican a couple of months after that. Once we ended, I went on to POP. After POP, I consoled myself in NYC with J. Then I came back and got with TOJ. Not a lot of time in-between partners.

I'm just really sexually charged, which makes it so difficult. I love having sex and I love having stories to tell. Let's face it - stories that involve sex are the best kind out there. As I get older, and more and more people are settling down and shacking up and I'm being left behind, most of what I have is my stories. If When I get married, I'm not going to be able to blow some random guy in Dolores Park and then where will I be? Whatever will I write about? How will I continue to be interesting? So, I want to rack up those points as best I can. I started late - I need to catch up.

All joking aside, I'm going to give this celibacy thing some thought. I think it could be useful for me to reconnect with myself and to reframe how I view sex and sexual activity. I think it's time for me to change some of my ways. I want to make sure that when I'm having sex, I'm doing it for the right reasons and I'm making decisions that resonate with who I am and who I want to be. Maybe some time for reflection could be good.