I feel so freaking restless right now about everything! In sad news, no nookie for me this week from FBI. Blame conflicting schedules. There was a chance it could've happened tonight, since he'll be "out and about" and wants to "link up," but I'm doing the Long Island thing tonight so no dice!
<<< spoiler alert if you haven't seen last week's Mad Men >>>
ANYWAY. Restlessness. I don't know - I just want change and I feel like I'm on the cusp of something major in my life. I don't know what it is - work, life, relationship, whatever - but I just feel the winds of change blowing (lol... yes, I realize I sound like an idiot) and I'm excited. I haven't been able to sleep much. I've been thinking too much about my job and what else I can do to be happy. I watched Mad Men earlier in the week and the moment where Peggy Olson leaves SCDP just spoke to me. I'm not saying I want to leave my company (I love them and I don't want to leave), but I know I need some kind of change. Another role or another company. Thankfully, the one thing I do know for sure is that I love San Francisco. Being here in NY for the past week has taught me that. I really have absolutely no desire to spend any particular length of time in NYC. I mean, it's nice to come back for a little while, but I couldn't live here again. I just know I couldn't.
So, here I am stuck. Thinking about my options and weighing the pros and cons. I don't know if I'm strong enough to just leave and start anew. Sometimes I hate myself for being such a late bloomer. I wish I could just know what I want to do and do it and not worry about anything anymore. I envy all those people who are doing what they said they would do when they were 10, while some of us flounder and struggle. Maybe one day I'll know what I want to be when I grow up (assuming I ever grow up, which seems unlikely at this moment in time).