I have been really silent lately, but there's been so much happening. My first interview went well, so I'm getting another one for a week from Tuesday. I'm really excited. I've been going through so much back and forth about this job over the past week. One day I'm like "OMG, my job is really cool and I should keep it! Look what I get to do - free unreleased tablets and access to executives and partying on the company dime!" Then the next thing I know, I'm researching the new position and falling more and more in love with it by the second. Here's a basic rundown of what happened and where I am
Last Monday, I told my boss. It was a really hard discussion to have with her, but it went really well. I just felt super guilty afterwards because I love her and view her as a mentor and an inspiration and I know that she won't want me to leave. She was super gracious, though. She offered to put in a good word for me (her old teammate is the lead of this team I'm looking at and so she knows them very well) and she says I should do what is best for me. She even thanked me for telling her! Which is insane because of course I would tell her - it was eating me alive not telling her. I'm not very good at keeping secrets from people I care about, especially when it affects them. I didn't want her to be blindsided by it. We had a long chat about everything - team dynamics, my extreme dislike for these women I work with, and my future. It was a great chat and gave me a lot to think about. She told me about changing my title and a promotion for the next year. All of it had me feeling unsure.
Then Tuesday came and it was more fuel to the "don't leave your job" fire. I had a meeting with our Chairman, where I got to speak and felt like I was making an impact. Then I got a tablet from working on our conference. It seemed like everything was aligning for me to want to keep my role. That's when the interview happened and something changed.
I want this job. I want it so badly and short of something crazy happening, I will take it if I can get it. Doing the research about HBCU recruiting and thinking up fun and exciting ideas made me feel more alive than most of the things I've done as an event planner. The role sounds like it would give me most of the things I love about my current job - travel, marketing my company to outsiders - and add to it things I've always wants - autonomy, a tight-knit team, and the chance to make an actual difference. So now I'm just praying that I can bring my A-game and convince them that they want to take me.