I'm not really sure why, but going to New York just feels odd to me. I don't know if it's because I used to live here and now I don't or if it's because so many of my friends have moved away from the city. I actually prefer to be on Long Island when I come into town because then I can frolic around in my parents' house and hang out with LI people. It just feels like all the things I did and the people I hung out with when I lived in Manhattan have moved. Luckily, some have come to SF, but others have moved to LA or Wisconsin or Chicago or Boston. It just doesn't feel the same. This trip is especially weird, since my co-workers in the NYC office from my old team aren't here. When I stop to think about how many people I can really contact when I come here, the number is pretty small.
I also don't know if I was ever really happy living here, at least not in the way that I have been in SF. Even though I travel all the damn time, San Francisco is my home and it feels so comfortable to me. It's where I belong. It feels warm and cuddly and safe. Maybe because I finally feel like I have the social life I've been craving and I'm not commuting all the damn time and I've found my niche with my teammates. I can't put my finger on it, but something about SF feels so incredibly right.
It's a terrifying feeling to have because I've always prided myself so much on being a New Yorker and it's something that is ingrained in your soul, especially being the child of two lifelong New Yorkers. I love the place in theory, but when I get here I'm kind of meh about it. I guess this is what it feels like to grow up and move on with your life.
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