I am tired of having existential crises about my job - I'm over the whole process of analyzing it and I think I've come to a decision, which is basically that I will take my interviews on Tuesday and see what happens. In the meantime, I have major news. I am SO ready to start dating again and actively looking for/at men.
After spending the past week drooling over photos of Ryan Lochte and imagining all of the dirty, illegal-in-Southern-states sexual acts I want to perform on him, I've come to the conclusion that I'm ready to screw around again. I haven't gotten laid in four months and I'm starting to really feel like it's time. I'm bored and the fog is starting to lift. It is time for me to put myself out there and hope for the best. And if not for the best, then hopefully 20 minutes of mediocre sex, which would be better than nothing at this point. When things ended with TOJ, I got a little jaded and just gave up on men entirely. I was tired of playing games and being an emotional wreck.
This cycle, I want to focus on going out and meeting as many people as possible, in as many ways as possible. This means doing more things around the city - going to bars and clubs, joining organizations, being open and friendly when I'm out in the world, and saying yes to invitations from friends. In addition to that, online dating is back on the table. I am also not ruling out the possibility to fucking around with people I don't care about because why not. I've tried punishing myself and "being good," I've tried not thinking about dating, and I've tried believing that God is testing my will and I just need to be strong enough and one day my prince will come. It's all a bullshit fairy tale spun by women with privileges I will never have. If I'm going to be single, I'm going to have fun - as much fun as I possibly can. There doesn't seem to be any reason not to. Let's be real - I am far too fabulous to be living the life of a nun.