It's taken me forever to write about this, mostly due to lack of time and I also wanted to wrap my head around what I was feeling before putting it down for all (well, all 5 of you who read this) to see. I formally removed myself from the interview process for the campus recruiting job and have decided to stay in my current role as a marketing event coordinator (soon to be planner!). It took a lot of time for me to come to this decision, but I'm really relieved and happy and I feel very good about it.
I think I just suffered my first quarter-life crisis. Basically, a whole bunch of random shit happened at once that really made me want to leave my role. The whole getting in trouble for being a "mean girl" was a huge part of it, in addition to my not-so-lovely relationship with one of the girls on the team. I think I really let all of that get to me and it showed me some of the negatives about my personality. I 100% hold grudges. I just do - it's one of those things that I'm not proud of, but it's hard for me to help it. Once someone has wronged me in some way (or I feel wronged), it is just over, especially if we're not friends. If we're friends, I'll usually move on - forgive, but not forget - but if I don't know you from a hole in the wall then It. Is. On. It takes a lot to make me angry and I think those two people just managed to push the right buttons. I work HARD. I do my job well and I try to never shirk any of my responsibilities, so when I get called out for what I think is bullshit, I don't react well. So that, combined with the fact that some of my regular duties at work were rubbing me the wrong way caused me to lash out and decide to get the fuck out.
However, I started to really think about what I do and what is amazing about my job. I love being onsite at events - the adrenaline is amazing. You're creating something so special for your attendees and you get some pretty awesome perks. Standing outside in Montana at an ultra-posh resort, eating the best ice cream of my life and watching a rodeo, I was just like "Damn. This shit doesn't happen in too many other jobs." Not only that, our big developer conference inspired me - all the creativity and the pageantry, I really do love that stuff. Then there are the perks - new, unreleased products, riding in private jets, meeting people I see on TV and read about online. That is astounding and inspiration. It's hard to walk away from that. Chatting with my manager, she asked me point blank. "In 5 years, where do you want to be - in marketing or in HR?" It was a pretty simple question for me to answer, given how hard I worked to get out of my old role and the drama that exists in the HR world. While I know that the recruiting job would've been awesome and fun and exciting, and I would have a truly amazing manager, I just knew that after a couple of years, I would want more.
I have so much more to learn in my current career. I am the greenest person on the team, with less than 2 years of event experience and I've already done a lot of amazing things and worked on exciting projects. I think if I give myself some time, I can do even more and learn and grow. I also think there's more long-term potential for my own business if I stay where I am. Or maybe I could even get into doing those events I've always wanted to do - like movie premieres and award shows. I have the chance to really grow my brand and my knowledge in the best place possible. The access I have and the company behind me would open doors and opportunities I can't even begin to imagine. So that's why I'm going to stay. I'm going to take a hard look at what I do - what I like and what I don't like, what skills I need to grow, and what I'm good at - and reformat my position to make it more appealing. I'm also going to spend the rest of 2012 and 2013 busting my ass to get a promotion. I already have a new event next month, and then next year I have major events each month until June, not to mention the launch of our hot new product. I'm ready and willing to work hard to make the changes I need to make to grow my career.