I've been dating for like five years and this is the first time this has happened, so that's a plus. On the not so bright side, I think I've made my peace with my #foreveralone status. The thought of even talking to a man makes me physically ill. I hate everything about dating and I'm tired of being optimistic about it. I don't want anyone to tell me any differently, either. Really, just stop it. God obviously has a plan for me that does not include a meaningful relationship with a man. I'm considering hiring prostitutes or sleeping with men on Craigslist since apparently no one is going to want to fuck and date and love me ever again. So, one out of three ain't bad, huh?
ANYWAY. What had happened was... I was supposed to go on my second date with this dude yesterday evening. I told him I would go to Berkeley, since he had graciously come to SF for our first date. We texted all week - I texted him for his birthday, he told me he was looking forward to seeing me on Friday. He drunk texted me suggestively on his birthday. I thought we were golden and I'd get a chance to make out and/or hook up with someone again. Then, on Thursday night around 10pm I texted him asking what the plan was. No response, but I assumed that was because it was late. Friday rolls around, nothing still. At 5pm, I do a check in - nothing. At 6:30pm, I call him - nothing. So I go home and wallow in my self-loathing (aka falling asleep at 7:30pm). It is 7:55pm in San Francisco right now and I have heard nothing from him, even after my "Is everything okay - I thought we were going to hang out" text. So yeah, he's a pretty shitty human being. I checked, too, and he's logged onto OKCupid today, so he's not dead. He's just an asshole. Awesome.
So I'm done. I considered deleting my profiles again, but I don't even want to log into the site anymore. I just hate everything right now. I know it's not just him - I know that having a rough week at work and a major event on the horizon are making me pretty freaking cunty, but I just don't know. I do love my friends, that is the one exception. Went to brunch with L&S, and Jazzgirl, and then LDJ (the artist formally known as Vest) came as well and I had fun drinking and hanging out with them. They are amazing and I am lucky to have such good friends. My College BFF also helped keep me company during my insomnia and I am forever grateful to her for that.
Maybe I'm just meant to love my friends and have them love me. Like some people aren't going to be mothers, maybe I'm never going to be a girlfriend or a partner or a wife. Maybe I'm just going to be a really good friend.